So, you think everyone is better than you huh? Think again.

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THIS is what I look like when the little things I write matter to people and they actually read it and I’m left feeling like a little Minion on the movie Despicable Me saying,  “whaaatttt?”

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That, my friends- is a thirty year old woman taking a planned ‘selfie’. =)

Cue next picture of me climbing into my turtle shell- bound for hiding because I think maybe people have it all wrong? Maybe they don’t really understand I’m just a mess trying to figure it all out and it just so happens, my heart pitter-patters for words? Maybe they don’t know I’m just a silly girl who loves sharing words on a screen- hoping one day they’ll spill over onto real sheets of paper and sit next to peoples bedposts. Do people even know that I really don’t know what I’m doing? Like for real- I may love words, stories, and sharing brokenness with the story of Gods redemption, but I don’t even know where the commas go and spell check is my best friend.

So, yeah. I know. It’s a scary impossible,  you just know everyone can’t wait to see you fail sort of dream.

But it gets me thinking just a bit- makes me wonder:“Do people reading my silly words understand they’re amazing? No, seriously. Do they realize they’re created to be unique, different, and totally not like anyone else?”

Then I realize, the truth is: probably not.

Most of us spend a lot of our time comparing screens. Your screen is much cooler than mine. Your facebook or twitter page gets way more likes than mine and you have way more friends than me. Your kids are perfect, and you read your bible every day. Your husband takes you away for mini-vacations three times a year and he even buys you a new dress to celebrate. You’ve adopted three kids, I’ve only adopted two- you drive a new mini-van, I drive a beat up SUV with a broken heater. Your house is bigger, your family is much cooler, and you even have a dog that does tricks.

*sigh* I’m such a major loser.

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See I told you. Major.

If you are someone who is a major loser like me but you think you’re the only one– I’d like to share with you this simple truth:

psssst, it’s a secret. guess what?

Everyone’s kids have cranky, bad days. We all feel lonely and misunderstood from time to time. Not all of us go on vacations all of the time and I know I never get new dresses. We all spend too much money on something, and we all have our things we “just can’t live without”. We all have seasons where our spiritual walk seems dry, and we all sometimes want to walk away from a screaming child of ours at Walmart and pretend they aren’t really ours. There are days when we all want to give up or  just sit in a corner and cry. I know I’m the only one who sometimes lets a bad word fly out of frustration though- right?

Here’s the truth. Nobody’s life is picture perfect. If our lives were perfect, we wouldn’t need the cross.

There is a false reality that comes along with reading about other peoples lives day in and day out. I can get all wrapped up in what others are doing that it becomes very damaging to me as a wife, a momma, and a daughter of the King. I start to compare my life, actions, and activities, with other mommas instead of how I measure up to the calling placed on my own life; The calling of Jesus.

“Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.” 1 John 2:6

If I claim to follow Jesus, I must try to live as He did. It’s not a choice- rather a reaction. It is an overflow of who I am. I am loved by the King. Oh my goodness, I get goosebumps just thinking of His love and favor!!

Isn’t it exciting? As Christ followers, we get to share with the world the beauty of being unique!

You may be like the widow who fed Elijah; or perhaps you have a faith like the Canaanite Woman whom Jesus called a dog. Perhaps you need grace, like the  the woman caught in adultery who Jesus saved from stoning. Or perhaps, you’re someone who needs to just.quit.throwing.stones. No matter what point we are in our walk with Jesus, we have only one person to imitate, Him.

I remember when I first became a stay at home momma. It all happened at once. I had just had our third kiddo, Judah. Only days out from c-section (i know you have home-births, you’re so much cooler than me) I became a stay at home, homeschooling momma. Also a full time ministers wife all in a new town, surrounded by all new people. One night, I was crying, talking to that sweet man of mine about how I just didn’t know how to juggle it all. In response, he looked at me and said something I will never forget.

He said:

“As long as you are being the best daughter you can be; then how can you not be the best mother, wife, and friend.”

I still think of that every day. “Father, I’m doing the best I can; you’ll have to fill in where I lack.” And trust me, I lack a lot. So, the truth is simple. We’re all always falling, and He’s always picking us up, dusting us off and helping us start again. In the world of computer screens, blogs, facebook, pinterest, twitter– we hardly see the falls, we only see the beauty of His help.

For instance, see my little Emmyn making a cutie-pie snow man in this picture?

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Well, what you don’t see is the fight she gave me when I made her wear boots instead of flip-flops only minutes before. =)

Oh and… remember the post about my crazy past of drug addiction and God’s saving grace? What you don’t realize is… i didn’t even realize my sweet man (aka HUSBAND) didn’t even know the ‘date story’ from that post.  ha, ha… oops = /  I thought he knew every little detail of my life.

How about this random pig we saw walking down the road a few weeks back? Yeah- that was strange and my kids wanted to take him home. I almost did.

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See this cutie pie picture from our adoption day? Yeah, the picture of my boys? Isn’t it nice of Triston to be giving Judah a piggy-back ride? Well, what you don’t see is Judah running over in between picture shots to get a huge drink of lemonade and then spilling it all down his shirt. So, we had to hide the evidence. Hence, their sweet, on screen, brotherly love. ; )

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The truth is, there is no one good- accept the Father. Including people with cutsie little blogs or pictures on Facebook. Our days are filled with challenges, temptations, sin, wrong choices, harsh tones in our voices, and bad judgment calls. That’s the beauty of grace.

He is so good to give such good gifts.

Titus 3: 4-7 NIV
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

May we be seeking Him each and every moment of our days, friends. May He fill our every thought. May we compare ourselves to that sweet Jesus of the cross. Who took on flesh to live a life of example and sacrifice. Let us not compare ourselves to the broken brother or sister sitting next to us in the pew, showing up in our newsfeed, or walking beside us at Walmart.

While you slap your little babies hand, while you wipe your little guys runny nose… again. While you have yet another hard discussion with your teenager; while you show grace to your nagging mother just one more time. While you serve at that job you hate just one more day, or help that person just.one.more.time.  May you remember to be the best Daughter of the King you can be.

“As long as you are being the best daughter you can be; then how can you not be the best mother, wife, and friend.”
The rest will fall into place, my friend.

“Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.”  Ephesians 5:1-2

No better than the next guy,
Kati

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How to become a weak parent

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All my children have played in the water. Emmyn’s the only one who ever crawled in.

Oh, this girl. She keeps me on my toes.

It’s a great thing to do when you’re busy in the kitchen, cleaning up or preparing dinner. I’m sure you’ve done it too; filled the sink up and let them play. Your children stand there on their stool all cute. Sometimes wearing just a diaper; other times totally naked, cute as can be, saying things like, “lookie momma” and “woooow.”

Not my Emmyn.

She throws the water. She turns on the hot water. She gets in feet first. She lives life to it’s very fullest. She is lively.

Oh, lively to say the least. She will look me straight in the eyes and say, “No.”

I’ll say, “Let’s go brush our teeth.” She’ll say, “I already did.”

She totally did not.

Do you have an Emmyn? Are her feet always wet or dirty? Her diaper always off and naked bun-buns exposed? And why is she still in a diaper anyway? Does she have a favorite shirt she wants to wear every day and she doesn’t care if it’s two sizes too small? Did you hide the shirt last night and this morning you are anticipating the daily melt down for the shirt? Oh, and of course it doesn’t matter what store you’re in or if you’re at the library; perhaps even just on the phone, she is loud.

Oh, momma. I am right there with you.

How do we handle these lively little ones, living life to it’s fullest, pressing each and every button us mommas have?

Are there days when you just want the elevator to stop so you can get off? She can just keep pressing buttons–but let you off at the 1,243 rd floor because you’ve had enough.

Yeah, me too.

I think it was after the tenth Emmyn episode, subtracting 92 from 68 for the one-hundredth time with my eight year old, telling my five year old, once again, to pick up the legos before I cut my foot on them; helping my eleven year old with entry level geometry (can you tell I hate math?) all while needing to head out the door to pick up the teenager, when I asked myself the question, a.g.a.i.n…

“LORD, am I doing anything right?”

He simply whispered, “My grace is enough” and my face couldn’t help but smile big and I thought,

Yes, it is.

The Apostle Paul shares,

“I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows—was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses.Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 2-10

Am I saying my little Emmyn is a thorn of my flesh? A messenger of Satan? No. But she sure isn’t an angel and I always know she is there. She challenges me, keeps me humble, reminds me daily of the struggle between good and bad. She tells me no, she hits, she kicks, she scowls. Some would think, she hates me at times but then, she turns sweetly and kisses me.

I am weak in many ways- but weak in parenting? I can’t do that! After all, that is where this momma needs to be the strongest, right?

Maybe not.

Parenting–It’s the one thing I want to pick up and handle all on my own.

In fear, I worry.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in trying to “fix” one of my children, I forget to pray about it! (okay, most times) and then the even more humbling thing? When I do pray about it… I still sit and make my plan of attack. “I have to handle this with strength and an iron fist– I have to be ready to head into battle.” 

I don’t want to be weak.

I want to fix it. Fix her.

 


How do I truly surrender my weakness? And after surrender, what about boasting? How do I boast about that weakness–and gladly at that?

How do we then boast in our weakness so that Christ’s power can rest on us? After all, that’s what we need most in times like this, right? How do we rejoice time.and.time.again?

By His grace. His grace is enough. 

It’s like– “The first shall be last, and the last shall be first.” It’s like the King who came to rule, but ruled in love.  It’s almost incomprehensible. We must become weak to become strong.


We have to come to grips with having a child, wild child at that, different than our other cookie cutter children. [or other peoples cookie cutter children] She is given to us, for this moment, from God.“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him…” Psalm 127:3

We have to pray for wisdom. Pray God will show us how to love her. How to love her best. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.” James 3: 17-18

We have to have limits, she can’t run all over us. We have to pray God will help us keep to those limits, without giving in. Besides, that’s the only way we will be able to keep those limits because we both know, those limits haven’t worked in the past. “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

We have to do good. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” Galatians 6:9-12

When they are good, no matter what they might have done before, we have to praise them– that’s how they know we love and notice them. That’s how they see Jesus in us. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. Luke 15: 21-24

We have to smile, even when it’s hard. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

We have to clothe ourselves.  “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12

We have to forgive them. Sometimes, the children who hurt us most, are old enough to know better. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21-22

We have to become a servant of all-- and sometimes, this means serving our children. Even when it’s hard. Even after they’ve told you no, hit you, kicked, and screamed. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

We must be strong in our weakness. We must understand this simple truth: By becoming weak and surrendering our joys, our failures, and all the in-betweens of parenting to the One who makes us strong, we will grow in strength. [Like the really good, "super hero Jesus" kind of strength.] “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 2-10

That is the only strength I honestly need, right? the strength that comes from the One clothed in grace. [OK- that, and a really great time out spot.] ;)

Ah! It’s a crazy life! This life of “mom” So crazy, but beautifully blessed.

Becoming weak time and time again,

Kati

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It’s monday, again. And things aren’t going so great.

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The baby didn’t sleep and the toilet didn’t work. The friend didn’t call and the raise didn’t come. The car didn’t start and the bills didn’t get paid. The church didn’t work out and the kids fought all day. The school work didn’t get planned, the lunches didn’t get made.

The weather wasn’t agreeable, the grocery store- too full. The oil didn’t get changed and the trees didn’t get planted. The sun didn’t shine on winters chill and the toys are still strewn all over the yard. The mother didn’t care and the son didn’t call. The little one felt hot to the touch and you don’t feel so good. The chemo didn’t work, the big break didn’t come, the prayer wasn’t answered.

The laundry’s still waiting and it wasn’t even your day to put it all away.

The letter didn’t get written, the book didn’t get read. The cake wasn’t baked and the memory wasn’t made. The grocery list was never started and the coupons never clipped. The jog never happened and the cupcake tasted so good. The husband didn’t say sorry; in fact he didn’t even care.

But you know what? The Father, yeah that one they call King, Savior, Adonai? The I Am, the Alpha the Omega the one who touched the dirty and loved the crippled? He saw it all. He sees it all.

And He is always there.

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Of this I am reminded once again~

It isn’t what happens to me that defines who I am – it is how I react to it that determines whose I am.


Hebrews 12: 1-2 NLT “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne…

[... watching you, smiling at you, finding joy in you sweet friend.]

Monday, Tuesday- whatever day. May your heart be full of faith as you conquer the darkness that tries to capture the joy from our days. May your mind be focused on the I Am because we know we cannot conquer this day without the One who created it. May you lean solely on The One and Only. May the creator of the universe, the painter of the sky; the designer of the honey bee and the intricate flower it draws its strength from- may THIS God be ever evident in your day as you trust in him. As the honey bee must have the beautiful flower to begin it’s journey to honey- may you start your everything by the strength of our father.

Loves,

Kati 

Do things that make the white guy at WalMart say, “Da** girl, how many baby daddies have you had? An adoption story.

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Everyday. That’s how often someone asks me about adoption.

Most people want to know- “Doesn’t it wreck your life?

I don’t think people ask everyone who has adopted this same question. I don’t think the person who adopts the cutie pie little baby is asked this question. I’m sure their most asked question is different.

I think it’s the people who adopt the older “un-adoptables” who are asked my question. Sort of like – everyone loves puppies, but the older pit-bulls- nobody wants.

The problem is:

They all wreck your life.

Big, little; nice or mean. HIV positive, healthy. Two months old, ten years old. Domestic, International. All of them. They all wreck you.

This is how I want to answer everyone who asks.

It’s hard. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Each day, everyday. It.is.hard.

It’s hard because when I go to the school and the kids in her class interview me, like they do all of the other MVP student’s moms,  they want to know: “What was her first word?” And of course, I can’t say, “Well, I only met her nine months ago… let me get back to ya on that”  ; )

It’s hard because when we celebrate birthdays in our home- we look at baby pictures. And for them, there simply are none. And the truth is: there never will be.

It’s hard because as much as you try to be mom and you really are- you simply are not the only mom they’ve ever known and you never will be because they still remember that mom.

It’s hard because as much as you tell them you love them- at first, they wonder if you’re for real.

It’s hard because, by this age, they really should know how to take baths, eat food, pour water or simply apply chapstick and lotion but they just don’t.

It’s hard because every now and then, they tell you stories of dark nights, no mattresses or food. They remember bugs crawling on them, and dogs hurting them. They have stories of dads yelling and people leaving. Over and over again.

It’s hard because as much as you love them- as much as they’re yours forever and you’d take a whole dozen of them. You still get really mad because someone did this to them.

And then I think:

Oh yeah, you bet we’ve been wrecked.

We’ve been wrecked by that sweet Jesus who makes all things new. Wrecked by this love He has shown us in real life by the true heart of adoption. Wrecked by this reality. Really? Is this the way it is? Jesus loves me? Me? Messy, abandoned me? Me? Always messing up, never getting it right, me?  He.adopted.me?

And now, out of the love of two broken people– two people He adopted into His family, that man of mine and little ‘ol me, we get to show the love of a savior to two kiddos? Two kiddos who, as you can tell, are totally “Gibson”…

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Let me give it to ya straight.

Adoption isn’t for everyone. I get that. I’m not saying it is. Fruit Loops aren’t for everyone either. But just so you know, I think they’re delish. =)

Here is something else I do know. God is moving in the hearts of His people to care for orphans. It simply must be the reason I am asked every single day about adoption. It must be the reason my email is flooded with questions from people I don’t even know asking me how to help with their hurting adopted kids. It must be the reason I am asked, almost daily, “How do I adopt.”

If you are someone who is asking that question allow me to share with you this:

Adoption is hard.

The paperwork is endless, the people involved in the process aren’t always the best. It will require a lot of work. Your house may need some changes- your perspective might need some fine tuning. Some kids are really messed up, they need your love pretty bad. Some people are rude to you- it’s just the truth. Like the man at Wal-Mart who took it upon himself to ask me “Damn girl, how many baby daddies have you had?” as my little crew of white and brown children trailed behind me– totaling six all together ; )

Yeah, he must be a real winner.

Who cares about all of that stuff.

Here is what really matters:

Today I watched my boys play basketball in the freezing cold wearing matching NBA sweatbands. And if the nerdy matching sweatbands weren’t enough to make this momma tear up- I heard Triston (who is adopted) say, “You’re the best brother Judah.”

Here is what really matters:

Two days ago we celebrated Ashley’s ninth birthday- it was her first birthday with us. The truth is, she doesn’t know what this momma was really celebrating. I was celebrating her surviving those first eight years and rejoicing in knowing she gets to live the rest of them- no longer surviving.

Those are the kinds of things that really matter.

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The hard paperwork and countless expenses associated with adoption will fade away.  In fact, some people don’t even have much expense or paperwork. The truth is- the scary unknowns don’t stay unknown for long. And who knows? Your house might be more ready than you think. Someone might answer you “yes” to adopting, rather than “no”. You just never know until you go for it.

When I watch this video- [the video just below]  I know it’s about a sweet baby and the fight for clean water. But I want you to know this:

When you adopt- THIS is the type of world, wonder, and opportunity you offer a child. A chance to see it all for the first time. A chance for them to fulfill their “If I had a mommy and daddy list” and believe me.

They have that list.

“Once I knew only darkness and stillness… my life was without past or future… but a little word from the fingers of another fell into my hand that clutched at emptiness, and my heart leaped to the rapture of living.”

-Helen Keller

May we be the hands that clutch at emptiness, friends.

All my love made possible thru Him,

Kati

Related Posts:
Jesus can love thru a crazy person like me?: an adoption story.
His grace covers even the drug addict, time and time again.

 

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some people don’t need to hear about jesus

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When we got there, of course, it happened again. Looking around in amazement, I thought to myself, “Just get busy and get rid of some of this stuff.”

She seemed to walk fine to me, playing with her little puppy outside. In fact, when we got there she was walking around her yard on her cell phone. Why does she need our help, I wondered.

I unloaded my little children into the cold evening air expecting to finish in two hours only to reach the gate and know it would take much more than a cold evening, this would take another day.

She had replied to an ad we had placed in the local paper offering free leaf raking help to local people 55+ who either needed help or needed us to do the job for them. We were there to rake her yard. A simple task. After all, her yard needed major help, it hadn’t been helped for several years.

When you walked through the gate, you could see her life that once was. Play toys, flower gardens, sitting areas, and even a pool. At first glance someone would think…

“This person doesn’t need help, she just needs to clean up her yard.” 

 That is what I love about our Jesus. It’s not always the person who needs help he’s helping, it’s usually me. 

We worked hard that night, doing as much as we could.  The kids we’re having a blast, there were so many leaves to have fun in, making piles, running and jumping. Discovering treasures that had been buried under the mess of leaves for what looked like, years. 

I always do it. I judge. I make excuses for why someone isn’t worthy of my Graces. Why I don’t have time to help. Why my help won’t make a difference because I’m just one person- we’re just one family.

I really am a mess. 

As I worked that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about Grace and how absolutely desperate I am for the precious gift. I also thought about how so many people look to me like they don’t need [or deserve] it.

 I stopped and chatted with *Ms. Martha for a bit. She told me of her grandkids who once swam in the big pool (now overtaken with weeds) and how long she saved for that patio furniture nobody sits in anymore. She shared with me about all the pins in her back, the countless surgeries she had endured and how she was preparing for yet another one. She said thank you countless times. When we left, her eyes filled with tears and she said,  

“Nobody ever helps.” 

 

She had experienced Grace and I don’t really know how it happened. I mean, all we did was rake some leaves. My goodness, the kids even argued a few times over the rakes. 

How does grace show up looking like some crazy kids and a tired mom? 

Of this I am always reminded: when we love people, no matter how big or small He does all the rest. He moves and stirs their hearts the way they need stirred. The way only he knows. He uses our crazy, messed up lives to love and help people. 

It’s how they know, He [that magnificent jesus of ours] cares. 

They know He cares because you came. Because you sat and chatted, because you touched them. Because you hugged them, cleaned their house, talked them away from their addiction one more time, took them into your home one more time, or perhaps forgave them once again. 

I realized that night, for the first time. Some people are just ready to see Jesus.

Some people don’t need to be taught about Jesus; they don’t even need to hear the Sunday sermon. They’ve heard it all before– they know all about our Jesus. They’ve heard the stories. The heartbreaking truth? Some may even sit in a pew all their days and never really see Jesus.

I’d like to tell you it’s always easy. I’d like to tell you loving on people always brings contentment to your soul, always fills your voids.  I’d like to tell you everyone I’ve ever touched was nice. I’d like to tell you my kids understood yesterday when I denied the homeless man a dollar but then he denied me the opportunity to buy him lunch or even bend to pray with him. I’d like to tell you I’m totally content where I am in serving others and I’d like to tell you I  don’t pray each time I read Katie’s  updates that He would send me there to help. I’d like to tell you, I don’t question God and beg Him to let me do something more. I’d like to tell you I’ve never had to stop and pray before we step foot out the door- headed to help- asking that sweet Jesus to forgive me for yelling at the kids or being impatient when we’re trying to get out of the house. I’d like to tell you I didn’t have to ask for peoples forgiveness time and time again.

But I can’t

I can’t because I am desperate. So, desperate for His Grace. I can’t because I’m broken. I’m broken and only complete in Him.

Like so many, I didn’t deserve grace. I was a liar and a thief.  I was an unwed mother at 17. I was selfish,  mean, and full of hate. I was broken.

But grace? That gift I don’t understand one bit? I fell into it hard. And when it caught me, it changed me. It didn’t take away my struggles- no. It gave me a hand to hold thru the struggles. It gave me hope of a day with no struggles. It gave me peace.

It said, “Hey you. I really love you.”

And He has to say it over and over again: “No, no, no. for real. YOU. I love you. Hey Kati- I know the world says you’re no good or not good enough. I know your mind says you have to get it all right before I’ll love you. But no, for real. I love you now. Messy yard and all. Messed up plans, dreams, and hopes- I’ve got that. Wrong decisions, damaged relationships- I’ve got that.”

Someone really loves like that? Yup. He sure does.

Reminds me of a story:

John 8:1-11

New Living Translation (NLT)

A Woman Caught in Adultery

8 Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”11 “No, Lord,” she said.And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

————–

I bet she thought she was a total loser ; ) And He just loved her, showing grace in abundance. He’s pretty cool like that.

May you fall into grace today and everyday friend and rest there peacefully. May it cause you to be a crazy bright light- shining for Him everywhere you go. And when you fall and stumble? Like I do every.single.day. may he gently help you up. dust you off. and make you new.over and over again.

All my messy, broken love~
Kati

—-

*ms. martha’s name changed for story

Whatever you do- don’t ever homeschool.

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“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die is a process of learning.”  J Krishnamurti

disclaimer:  please, just continue on your happy way today if you are one to be sensitive to a certain type of school- be it homeschool, unschool, public school, any type of school– as I do not intend to offend ; )

I only intend to take one, maybe two of you? on a tip-toe journey through a crazy thing called:

this.right here… this girl. THIS homeschool mommas real “live”  life.

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Here i am. Standing amongst all things we call, in our home, opportunities of learning- strewn out all over once again as I tackle a school room move.

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Yup, there it is- all behind me, around me, and almost on top of me and I am wondering, for the one millionth time… why did I decide to move the school room again and where in the world am I going to put all of this stuff?

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oh my goodenss… HA!! hilarious. ( i know)

Caution, it’s a goofy post today.

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It’s a crazy life here because there are lego creations all around.

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And my two little boys? Well, they aren’t your typical “classical homeschool boys” who like only Swiss Family Robinson, stories of Civil War, and knights of old. They also take to ‘the liberal likings’ of Batman and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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Because there are years, upon years, upon years of old school work I just can’t bring myself to part with and every time someone says to me, “So… what do you guys actually do all day?” I want to say: “Come sit with me over coffee and conversation for several weeks and we’ll pour over old studies of birds, creation, elements and body parts. Come read the stories we’ve written. Please, come and listen to my stores of tears shed over multiplication facts and hard division- heck, even two plus two on some days.”

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Because we don’t really take art in a fashionable way. We just sit with our granny, listen to her stories of girlhood, and paint along side her and somehow? Somehow we learn how to paint by just sitting with her.

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You see, we have books upon books that occupy our shelves.

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And lessons upon lessons just waiting for us to get to.

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But often times? Often times we find…

Life. Happens.

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And while life is happening and we are learning- those kids of mine grow bigger than weeds.

So when she says to me “I think I want to be a doctor, mom. I want to learn medicine and the healing power of Gods design for the body and take it to another world.”

I start to break a sweat and think, How in the world am I ever going to prepare her for that? Because we take lego breaks, and we aren’t always in workbooks, and we cry over math, and sometimes we have to go to the grocery store during the day?

How do I live life and raise a up a doctor?

And then, of course, as I type these quick words- there are two more of my precious girls who are placing bandages on their dogs and cat in the make-believe veterinary office that has overtaken their once bedroom. One does the diagnosis, the other takes care of the animal. They take turns checking people in because their office is so busy. I hear one say- “I think it’s a thorn in her hind leg causing the pain.”

One little boy just finished language and asked me if he could start painting.

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Oh no, what will I have to help him become?

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Here’s the scoop.

I’ll finish up these words– grab a book and snuggle with my girls. We’ll pour over language lessons, history, math, and even talk about the vet office. That little man of mine will paint whatever his little imagination can put on paper. I’ll correct one, two, or all six of them at some point today.

I’ll help them all with something they’re struggling with. Maybe it will be educational, however most times it turns out to be character. I’ll struggle with patience and feeling like I’m getting it all wrong. again. Then, tonight we’ll make dinner, we’ll all work together to set the table- someone will do something rude and I’ll have to bend low and re-direct them into love a.g.a.i.n.

All the while… really, I am the one being re-directed by having to love them over and over again. I am the one learning the lesson. Then we will sit. We will sit and enjoy our meal together talking about our day.

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They’re learning.  Because love is the best form of teaching.

Take it from a momma who struggles to love through lenses of self-imposed perfection.

It works.

Love. always. works.

Sitting with them while they cry over hard math and backwards letters; all while somehow remaining calm– is working. They’re learning.

Pouring over new lessons and figuring out how to better teach that certain subject- it’s worth it. They’re learning.

Helping their words be kind, reaction come slow, and ears be open big- it’s worth it. They’re learning.

“Learning is not the product of teaching. Learning is the product of the activity of learners.” John Holt

And so am I– right there along side of them.

My method? never homeschool. Just live. love. and laugh realllly big every day.

“The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom.”
Henry Ward Beecher

Crazy & always learning, (hard lessons!)

Loves this day and always,
~Kati

no tobacco was used in the production of this post.    (HA!)

how to trick your kids into love

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There’s this little thing we do.

and it’s kind of a secret ; )

It all starts around the table. That place we gather most. Sometimes it’s over piles of pancakes before the day begins; other times it’s after a day full of hard work and heaping potatoes. In our home, we like to refer to it as, Secret Servant.

We all get to pick someone to serve, but it’s all a big, fun secret.

Daddy writes individual names on the back of post it notes and sticks them on the wall in the hallway. One by one, we leave the table, walk into the hall, and walk back with a sly smile on our face… Judah always has the biggest smile. =)

You dare not tell who you’re serving and you try real hard to catch who are serving you throughout the week. Last week, our oldest, Alli whose 12 admits:

“I like to serve everyone here and there,
making sure they see me;
just to throw them off.”

At the end of the week, we gather again guessing who might have served us and then the truth comes out.

“i.served.triston”

“i.served.mom.”

“i.served.jordan.”

… and the list goes on.

The little ones usually put away shoes from the front door, that’s a simple job for them. So, If your shoes have mysteriously found a way to tip toe into your closet,  Judah or Emmyn probably have your name. If your laundry was washed and put away– or the house vacuumed for no reason; Alli or Jordan probably have your name. If the kids were put to bed while you sat a little longer to read a book, that man of yours probably has your name.

; )

They’re looking for ways to serve.

And.it’s.working. 

So, I breathe deep and smile little sly smiles when I come out of the hallway each week.

…OK, and I do a little happy dance, too… he, he.

Big or small, large or tall- any family can gently learn the heart of service. All in fun.Image

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” ~ Mother Teresa

Tricking those kids into love daily,  ; )

Kati.–