“I don’t want to live here anymore.”
Stomping her feet- right there in the middle of her bedroom, surrounded by all who love her; she had made up her mind- it was time to leave.
And what do you do when something like that happens?
Because when you’ve grown up being tossed around from foster home to foster home- from institution to institution when things get hard; of course you want to leave.
So, she left. And I followed- all secret agent like. Parking behind trees and in peoples driveways. It’s true. I simply hid out as I watched my little girl skip around town- thinking all was right with the world; thinking she had won.
Some days, I want to skip around town- thinking all is right with the world, thinking I have won. But the truth is: I’m a broken mess.
I followed her for an hour before the city police finally came and picked her up and drove her home. All the while I thought, “And people think we have it all together.”
This is the truth, friends.
None of us have it all together.
I have sat with mommas who have tried to take their lives; mommas who I thought had it all together. I have sat with women whose marriage I envied; only to find they were nearing divorce. I have wished upon stars for your picture perfect child to influence my not-so picture perfect child; only to find your child is no-so picture perfect after all. I have hoped and dreamed for the homes of many- only to see those homes be taken by the bank or cause a divorce over finances.
My nine year old just wanted a new family. And when the police picked her up? Well, she didn’t care one bit. She told him she ran away because she didn’t want to do her math problems and she wanted a new family. Well, in orphan world- police take you from families to make you safe. She thought he would just snatch her up and move her to a math-less world. So, when he said, “Next time, I’m taking you to juvie.” She wasn’t too impressed.
So, how do we: moms, dads, sons, daughters, co-workers, bloggers, foodies, grandmothers, men and women– how do we show the love and grace of Jesus in a true and genuine way? Because as Ann Voskamp sweetly reminds us:
“Aren’t we all really like Peter– cowards and liars and deniers and absolute messes? I am.”
And when one runs away or one hits another child, or one does something unthinkable, I simply am reminded. We all need Jesus. A suit, tie, and seminary degree, all packaged with a big smile aren’t going to change the fact that I am a broken mess and so desperately in need of a savior.
And hopefully? By leaving all of that religious, “I’ve got it all together” facade aside, this desperation can speak loud into the lives of my children. That life is hard, and days can be crazy. But Jesus is loving, and grace filled- no matter what.
Then, when we break at the feet of Jesus, we’re just a bit like my nine year old- who, hours later– even hours after being toted home in a patrol car- finally broken, collapsed in my arms and said,
“I’m sorry mom and I love you.”
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.” 1 John 3:1a
Lavished by the King- and so desperately in need of Him–
Right along side of you, friend.
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Um, yeah… is there an ad below here? A creepy ad (yes, directly below here, some strange video, perhaps?) I didn’t put it there
= / And I didn’t choose what it will advertise. Sorry about that.